So I was driving down the road blasting some Jewel in my car.

Is there any better way to start out a topic other then that first sentence?

Ok, so I'm blasting Jewel, and it's a nice day so I have the windows down. I come up to an intersection at a busy street, and I'm the first car in line. Also I'm the only car blasting Jewel.

As I pull up, there are two guys waiting for the cross walk, and I'm sure they can hear that I'm blasting Jewel, and suddenly I get a little embaressed.

But, as the song comes to an end, I am able to hear part of their conversation... and it went a little something like this...

"Oh man, and wait until you see what they have in store for us in 'Return of the King.'"

And suddenly, I didn't feel all that bad.

My sisters and some of their friend's came up to Vancouver to see a Ricky Martin concert. Along with those fond memories, came many many photographs taken at the concert.

My sisters had met some girls at the concert who wanted to get copies of the pictures that my sisters had taken, and they arranged to pick up the copies at my apartment.

Now, I don't know why... but for some reason I imagine that my sister started bragging to the girls about "what a cool apartment I had." When the girl finally showed up, the first thing she said was, "Oh, I have to see your apartment!"

Granted, I'm no amature when it comes to bringing young attractive women into my apartment... so I guess I didn't see anything wrong with it.

So we go up to my apartment, and I show her all my collectables, and toys, and stuff (somewhere in the back of my mind I assumed she could be casing the place).

Her attention focused to my Star Wars Piggy Bang which consisted of 3 10 Inch tall motion-sensative action figures who did a little fight scene as inspired from Episode 1. Well, this girl seemed really impressed with this, and my apartment... Until...

After the Bank does it's little fight scene, it works on a motion detector - and when the girl went to touch it, Obi Wan swung his lightsaber at her, and freaked her right out of my apartment...

It just goes to show you... nothing scares girls out of your "pad" faster than Star Wars Toys!

I guess this just goes to show you that sometimes you just have to step back and rememeber where you are, and where you are going... However I had to learn it the embarressing way.

I was at the bank talking to the cashier about my account. This was my first bank, so I still just had a savings account, and was getting information about their free checking program.

The nice lady showed me all the information, including a special "Survivor" package that I got for signing up. We talked a bit about the types of checks that I would be able to get, and I asked if they had some cool ones -

- Just as a side note... I always like to get the dorky checks! I've had both Koala checks, and Cartoon surfer checks... not to mention my scuba diver Mastercard! -

It was then that the lady said "And you can pick whatever number you want the checks to start on."

I laughed, and speaking a little too loudly I said, "hee - 69!"

Most of the people in line behind me smiled...

They're just jealous!

There will always be much to the legend that is "Shaun." I can't always confirm or deny rumors, or elaborations of fact... but I can tell you now that trying to build upon this myself - JUST DOESN'T WORK.

This story begins way back in the 4th grade. Me and Danny Caveny would often sit around, make crazy jokes, and talk about weird things. And from these weird things came an ungoing series of jokes between Danny and I.

Flash forward to 7th grade!

Me and Mike Caruso were hanging out one day, when I remembered one of the things me and Danny used to talk about. As bad as this sounds - me and Danny used to joke about "funny" ways to kill kittens. Now, WE NEVER ACTUALLY DID ANY OF THE THINGS - but we would come up with sick ways (hey, we were raised by Freddy Krueger).

One such way was to bury the kittens in the ground with their heads sticking up... and mow the lawn.

You guys get the idea.

I told Mike about it, we had a few laughs, and a few days later... I was in class with Mike, and he was telling everyone how I knew "101 Ways To Kill Kittens!"

The guys all said "cool", and the girls all said "eeewww" - but both the boys and the girls wanted to know all "101 Ways!" - And I was stuck... I could only think of the two ways me and Danny joked about... so I had nowhere to go.

Still - I kept cool, and tried to play along, and avoid the rest after 2... which worked for a while because pretty soon people would come up to me in class and ask me all about it. Word gets around in Jr. High.

This only lasted for a couple of weeks... and after all of it - I never learned a thing (about more ways to kill kittens).

I've gotten into some stupid shouting fights before, but there once was a time when the shouting fight was started by the most unlikely of subjects.

I was at a party of sorts, and I over heard this really geeky guy talking all about the movie "The Mangler". Which in case you didn't know, was one of those terrible B-Movies that somehow made it out in a couple of theatres, and was based on a short Stephen King story.

He started going off on how it was such a great movie, and how everyone should see it. I started in on the conversation, saying that it was by far one of the worst movies I've ever seen - and couldn't believe the guy liked the movie.

Now, the geek's only defense for the film was that it was obviously good because - A: It was based on a Stephen King story (Guess he's never seen Maximun Overdrive), B: It was directed by Toby McGuire (world famous for being a one hit wonder), and C: It starred Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger folks... Also acclaimed actor from such films as "Wishmaster" and "976-EVIL."

Now, I guess I should have dropped it, but the guy wasn't giving any real critiques on the film, just dropping names. But I pressed on, I was trying to save someone from being encouraged to see The Mangler... I was doing my civic duty!

So it ended in a heated shouting match - that I just had to walk away from laughing... But deep down I know that if I stopped one person from seeing "The Mangler" it was worth it.

Back in high school I got involved with this group that liked to play a Vampire Role Playing game. Oddly enough this wasn't the typical "Goth" crowd. It was more along the lines of bored housewives, and video game nerds. (There was also NO bondage or crazy vampire sex involved - NONE!).

So one day I was at a meeting, and was chatting with the woman who was running the whole thing. We talked about which kind of Vampire I was, and what I would like to do in the game.

She disappeared for a while, and soon came back with a notebook filled with papers she had printed off her computer. It was a fan-made role playing game that she had downloaded off the internet, and was "blessing" me with the chance to read it.

I couldn't keep it... just read it.

Now, this all seemed like a nice gesture and all, but the lady acted as if she had just bestowed upon me the Holy Grail... or something.

Trying not to look ungreatful I faked one of the biggest smiles I have ever faked, and must have put on a pretty good performance. She thought I was estatic to lay my eyes upon this "wonderful" creation that was born of her computer!

And years later all I can think of is... WHY Did I fake being so happy? What a waste of smile muscles!

In 9th grade I was a library aid, and would spend my entire 5th period sitting around doing nothing but little arts and crafts projects. This was mostly because 5th period didn't have many english classes, and those were the only types of classes that would visit the library. So my job was to just make sure the shelves looked nice, and that everything was in order.

Still - every so often an english class would come in, and this tale is of one such time!

Two english classes had been in the library, and it was my job to help the students out with looking up stuff, and finding the books that they needed. I was also responsible for helping people look up magazine articles, and one such student was Richard Smith!

Richard had been looking for some information for a report, and we started searching on the computer that searches magazine articles. I had help him find some stuff, and went about my way. A little while later I walked by the computer to see that Richard was still searching for something.

He asked if I could help, and then told me that he was looking for any information on "Satan." ...Which was an interesting subject for a magazine search - especially since the libray only carried "Newsweek", "Time", and "National Geographic."

Richard said that he couldn't find anything, and upon checking out his search, I discovered his problem...

He was searching for "Satin".

I guess the 80's will long be remembered as the Reagan Years... and to me, they will for a small part - be remembered as the "Matt Miller's Reagan Impression Years."

This was back in the day of President Reagan, so all the late night talk show hosts, Saturday Night Live, and comedians would constantly be doing their impressions of our Former President. My friend Matt was no exception.

It all started back around 5th grade when Matt would keep going around doing his god-awful impression, and he would continue to do it for days at a time. This isn't to say he didn't take breaks to play the original Metal Gear NES game.

Thankfully, by this time Reagan was almost out of office, and the Reagan impressions would soon draw to a close. For good.

But don't get me started on "Matt Miller Reaganomics!"

Now, get your minds out of the gutter people...

I don't think there is one person out there who doesn't like Chocolate Covered Cherries. Right? I can't imagine someone passing on chewin' down one of those sweet, juicy, and chocolaty little delights of life.

However... why is it that EVERYTIME you buy a box of them, they have at least one of the cherries popped, or broken inside the box? The box can be in perfect condition, yet there is always at least ONE that has broken.

Now, this shouldn't seem like much, but the sugar inside the chocolate candy runs all over the others around it; making them less appealing then the ones NOT covered in the white goo (which hardens for some reason).

It is almost as if someone actually goes around at the factory and breaks at least one in each box. So at the end of the day - you have a box with 1-3 uneaten cherries because they just look icky!

There's always a real good way to turn people's heads, and really get an honest to god response out of them. And I've used it often.

Back when Titanic was still in the theaters, and "Leo Mania" was still going strong, we all remember having to listen to girls swoon over Leo, and talk about what a "hottie" he was. You all know what I'm talking about.

As annoying as I'm sure many of us found this... it was either hear these Leo-Loving rants... or just plain not associate with women.

Whats a guy to do?

Well, this guy took it upon himself to stop any Leo conversation when it was still young. Once a girl starts talking about Leo, I would quickly say, "Ya know, so many people tell me I look like Leonardo Dicaprio."

They stop, think for a minute (not wanting to insult me, or say 'no' to me)... and the Leo conversation stops right there.

I went to film school with this guy named Ryan. Ryan was a nice guy... but well... lets just say that even though he wasn't "actually" blonde.... well - you get the idea.

He came to school one day telling everyone about something that had happened at his apartment the night before... and it's just one of those things that everyone fears - but no one ever thinks happens.

I'm sure that everyone reading this, has probably taken an elevator before - right? And whats the one thing you think of everytime you step on, or off an elevator, and see that little 2 inch gap between the Elevator and the door.

Ryan had dropped his keys in between that gap, and lost them down the shaft of the elevator. It took the maintainance guy a few days to get them out, but he still got them back.

See this as a warning to always hold onto your keys... always!